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[27 Aug 2006|12:26pm] |
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mood |
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Unexplainble |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Forty Six and Two" by Tool |
] |
join in my.. join in my child
and listen.. digging through my old numb shadow
shadow's shedding skin, i've been picking scabs again
i'm down digging through my old muscles for a clue
i've been crawling on my belly clearing out what could've been
i've been wallowing in my own confused insecure delusions
for a piece to cross me over or a word to guide me in
i wanna feel the changes coming down
i wanna know what i've been hiding
in my shadow
my shadow
change is coming through my shadow
my shadow shedding skin
i've been picking my scabs again
join in my.. join in my child
shadow's closer to me...
i've been crawling on my belly clearing out what could've been
i've been wallowing in my own chaotic insecure delusions
i wanna feel the change consume me, feel the outside turning in
i wanna feel the metamorphosis and cleansing i've endured
in my shadow
my shadow
change is coming
now is my time
listen to my muscle memory
contemplate what i've been clinging to
forty six and two ahead of me
i choose to live and to grow
take and give and to move
learn and love and to cry
kill and die and to be
paranoid and to lie
hate and fear and to do
what it takes to move through
i choose to live and to lie
kill and give and to die
learn and love and to do
what it takes to step through
see my shadow changing
stretching up and over me
soften this old armor
hoping i can clear the way by
stepping through my shadow
coming out the other side
step into the shadow
forty six and two just ahead of me
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| "Screwed the pooch" -Tom |
[21 Jul 2005|12:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Stinkfist" by Tool |
] |
So... Nothing very exciting in my life lately, as usual. Work, Mike, friends, family, sleep. Yep. 'Bout it.
Going to the Robin Hood Faire this weekend. I want to see some old friends and actually be a *gasp* -PATRON- at a Faire for once. I just figured out that I have never -ever- been to a Faire out of costume, and I've been going/doing Faires for about.. six years now? How f-ing lame is that? :D HA! Well, we're going in normal clothes, so THERE! I refuse to be mistaken as cast and have to entertain people, damn it! HA!!
Anyway, enough of that.... Work sucks, want to move, want a new job, want to visit my parents (who are doing great, thanks!), want to fix my car... And I want a kitten. Yes, a kitten.
Alright, I'm obviously very tired and I just finished dying my hair... I think it sank in and destroyed my last remaining brain cells. So, time to go to bed!
"Women who behave rarely make history" -My new shirt that ROCKS!
Anyway, g'night everybody! Don't let the Boogie Man get you... >:)
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| Just a damned good song, that's all. |
[21 Jul 2005|12:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tool (Thanks, John :) ) |
] |
My shadow's
Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within
My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.
I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.
I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.
See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.
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[05 May 2005|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The TV |
] |
21 days until my mom comes home!!
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[04 May 2005|09:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 naughty |
] |
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music |
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Mike on the phone |
] |
I feel a bit better now. I had a good cry last night. Only thing now is that I caused little under-the-skin blood blister things (little red dots on my skin) all around my eyes, even on my eyelids! *Sigh* It figures. But at least I feel a bit better now.
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| Bwahahaha. |
[29 Apr 2005|07:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mike playing a crappy game |
] |
Heh.. Heh.. Sex tape.. Johnny, you never told me you were my stalker! Ashton is my buddy, my man, my dawg, yo! And who the hell is the guy that turned up twice? I have -no- idea. And I'll only date Johnny Depp if he's a pirate *Nod* Who's my secret lover? Guess I forgot her name again, she'll be pissed! ;) And I actually dated Mary Kate?! Or is that Ashley.... Crap.
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[26 Apr 2005|07:07pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
] |
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music |
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Mike on the phone |
] |
I'm so frickin' moody. I've been very cranky lately, and it seems almost everything is getting on my nerves, one way or another. *Sigh* Why can't I just be me? God, life sucks, sometimes... *Frown*
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[25 Apr 2005|10:27pm] |
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It's kind of funny... After all of that... I am now completely exhausted. Figures... *Sigh*
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[07 Mar 2005|12:44am] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
] |
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music |
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"Turn the Page" by Metallica |
] |
Back from Arizona. It was good to see my family, but bad luck followed me everywhere...
1. Got stuck in Newark, NJ overnight. I'll explain. First off, I was nervous as hell already. This was the first time I was flying alone, let alone flying for the first time in YEARS. Everyone was telling me it'd be fine, peachy. Yea, right. I got on the plane, everything was fine. We almost took off, and they found something wrong with the plane. We returned to the gate. Then they said "Anyone with connecting flights may get off, we have another plane that will take you. But anyone going to Newark or Pheonix can stay on, this plane will continue onto Pheonix". Alright, so they six or so of us going on the Pheonix got a little nervous. Some talked to the stewardesses, they assured us that everything would be fine. Alright. So an hour or so later, we finally take off. We get in Newark an hour later than we originally were planned to. "Thank you for flying Continential. Have a good night." WTF? We all get off and are sent to the Customer Service. They say "We were going to put you on a plane to Vegas to connect to go to Pheonix, but it took off. You are all going to have to stay here in Newark. Here, have hotel rooms. See you in the morning." Fucking hell! I call Mike, start crying because I'm fucking terrified. I don't know where I am, what's going on, where I'm going, and I'm alone. I call my Mom and tell her. She starts bawling. They had taken Sage (my dog) with them to come get me. But their van broke down on the way. Luckily, some nice lady kept her rental place open for them and got them a truck. But now I wasn't coming until tomorrow, I lost a whole day with my family, etc. She was so upset, I had to stop crying and comfort her. Well, I stuck around with a few people to bitch to the manager. He changed my returning flight for a day later than planned, for free. And they paid for our food and hotel. Yippy fucking doo. Anyway, I start making my way to the hotel shuttle. Here, I attached myself to this random guy that was going through the same crap. We just talked about life and travel and whatever. He was nice enough to let me stick around him, so I didn't freak out. We get to the hotel, go to our seperate rooms. As soon as I shut and lock my door, take off my jacket, I bawl my frickin' eyes out. Call Mom, call Mike. Watch The Matrix and order a little bit of room service dinner. I took a hot bath (thanks to Mike's advice) and, eventually, fall asleep. I wake up at 4am (3 hours later) and am shaking. Of course, I stressed myself sick. I even missed the first shuttle to the airport because I was so sick in the bathroom. Yea, this was fun. I get to the airport 2.5 hours early, due to advice that it would be extra busy and so on. There was no one there, no frickin' lines, nothing. I sat there for 2.5 hours doing nothing. Chatted with another guy from the flight a bit. Whatever. I was fucking tired, barely slept on the flight, was sick in the airplane bathroom, etc. But it was all paid off when I got to hug my Mom and Dad. :)
2. Sage was in heat, meaning all her brothers were freaking out and we couldn't keep them all in the house. When we got home one day, Handsome had broke his rope and jumped two fences and was in the pen with Sage. If she's preggers, she needs an abortion. Frickin' peachy.
3. It snowed at the Grand Canyon. It rarely happens, but it did. ARGH! And my parents were bickering the entire ride there, so I didn't give the best expression when we finally got there. That was great.
4. Speaking of them bickering, they did so most of the week I was there. I felt great about that...
5. Dad rushed through the river and flooded his truck engine with water. Wee.
6. The van broke down, too. So, both cars were down. YAY for no way to travel!
7. The AZ Faire was 3, not 2, hours away. So we didn't spend much time there. Oh well, it was fun.
8. We ran out of water, after the truck (which has the water tank in the back) broke down. No showers for us!
9. Crappy weather. A hell of a lot warmer than around here, but not very sunny or pretty. Ah well, at least I didn't have to worry about snow, expect for the Grand Canyon. >.<
10. I got my frickin' period. Just to top it all off. :)
Anyway... That was my string of bad luck. Lovely, eh? But you know... It all doesn't matter, because I got to see my parents and that is all I wanted. I hope they enjoyed seeing me just as much. I miss them already. But, my Mom and Ida are coming out in May for my grandparents' 50th anniversary, so that will be good. *Hugs to Mom, Dad, Ida, Sage, and the rest of the pups*
It felt good to come home to Mike, too. Even though (after I landed at 9:30am after a red-eye (overnight) flight and 2.5 hour wait to connect flights in Newark) he dragged me out to do shopping until 1pm (*Wink, kisses Mike*), it was good to be with him. I felt whole again. *Hugs and kisses for her Mike*
Anyway, I'm back everyone. Hi and how are ya? Just peachy. :) *Hugs all around*
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| Stole from Lilly :) |
[14 Feb 2005|12:07am] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
] |
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music |
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None |
] |
A - Age: 18
B - Breast size: 36C, I think
C - Chore you hate: Washing stinky dishes
D - Dad's name: Ronald, aka Ron
E - Essential make-up item: I don't really wear make-up...
F - Favorite perfume: Rose, sandlewood, patcholli (sp?)
G - Gold or silver: Silver
H - Hometown: Beverly, MA
I - Insomnia: Sometimes..
J - Job title: Cashier?
K - Kids: Never!
L - Living arrangements: Currently.. Apartment in Salem, MA. Whee... *Note sarcasim*
M - Mom's birthplace: Danvers, MA, I think
N - Number of apples you've eaten: Tons!
O - Overnight hospital stays: ...Not sure.
P - Phobia: Deep water, when I can't see underneath me in it. *Shutters*
R - Religious affiliation: Nada. I'm "spiritual".
S - Siblings: Two older sisters.
T - Time you wake up: Sometime after 8am on week days. Weekends... *Grins*
U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: ....Red, green, blue, purple, black, f*ed up colors... Yea :)
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Not sure.
W - Worst habit: Biting around my finger nails, and picking at my split ends.
X - X-rays you've had: Teeth, hand, foot, nose.
Y - Yummy foods you make: Lots of stuff!
Z - Zodiac sign: Leo. Rawr.
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| YAR!! |
[08 Feb 2005|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mike sleeping on the couch |
] |
So... I am going to go visit my parents on Feb 23rd through Feb 28th (be home March 1st)!!! YAY FOR ME!!!! I'm very excited about this, and my family sounds thrilled, too. I can't wait! I am so psyched about this, you have no idea! :)
"We moved away months ago and haven't seen you since. But now that you're coming to visit for the first time, two weeks is too long to wait!" -My Mom upon hearing I was going to visit in two weeks
But also... This will be the first time I've been away from Mike for this long since we've moved in together, which is since my parents left. I know we'll miss each other, but I know I need to go see my parents. And I bet coming back home to him will feel wonderful :) I'll miss you sweety, and I'll always think about you. But I'll be home for you soon. :)
So, YAY FOR ME!! Two weeks -is- too long to wait!! :)
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| Yes, I know it sucks. So shut up. |
[02 Feb 2005|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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None. |
] |
Sweet moments of silence
Darkness like a veil
Shrouding the essence of pleasure
Mating with desire
Caresses of silk
Black velvet of night
Flickering of candles
Flames feeding the passion
Twining of limbs
Flowing movements
Rippling like a river
As one
Calling to the night
Sweet whispers of love
Throwing boundaries to the wind
Leaving time behind
Nothing but unharnessed love
Behind closed doors
And closed eyes
~By Sara McElwain 1-25-05
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| Welcome Christmas |
[11 Dec 2004|10:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Welcome Christmas" by Love Spirals Downwards |
] |
Flah who floraze
Sah who doraze
Welcome Christmas
Bring your light
Flah who floraze
Sah who doraze
Welcome in
The cold dark night
Welcome Christmas
Fah who rahmoose
Welcome Christmas
Dah who dahmoose
Welcome Christmas
While we stand
Heart to heart
And hand in hand
Flah who floraze
Sah who doraze
Welcome Christmas
Come this way
Flah who floraze
Dah who doraze
Welcome Christmas
Christmas Day
Welcome welcome
Fah who rahmoose
Welcome welcome
Dah who dahmoose
Christmas day is in our grasp
As long as we have hands to clasp
Flah who floraze
Welcome Christmas Day
Dah who doraze
Welcome Christmas Day
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[04 Dec 2004|12:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Spark" by Tori Amos |
] |
I haven't posted in quite a long time, so I thought I would. Nothing very exciting in my life. Get up, go to work, come home, play video games or watch a movie, eat dinner, go to bed. Then do it all over again. How wonderful.
Mike and I are doing great, as per usual. Living together is like second nature. Salem's not so bad in the winter when there aren't as many annoying tourists around. It's night at night when the downtown is lit up by Christmas lights in the trees. It's purtiful. :)
Work's the same as usual. Been pretty dead lately, so Lisa and I have been really lazy because there's no one there, and so there's no messes to clean up! I spent a lot of time downstairs the other day with the chefs, since they were working their butts of for a function that night. It's been so dead that I've been wandering over to peek in the gift shop sometimes, since no one's around to buy anything from me anyway.
My parents are doing well in Arizona. Ida went to visit her ex in San Fransico and she's having a blast. Apparently he works for TickerMaster, so they have been going to a lot of games lately. She seems so much happier out there, she's really found her creative side. The dogs are doing well, too. I miss my little midge, Sage! But she's good. They say she misses me and stares at my picture on the wall. If I talk to her over the phone, she gets all frantic and tried to find me. I can't wait to see her. My mother may be coming out here in January or Febuary to get the rest of their things, so I may drive the stuff back with her. It would be nice to see my parents again.
Anyway, we have company coming over tomorrow, so we have to go out and get stuff for that. I'll try to post more often on my lovely, exciting life. :) Take care, everyone.
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| "Between Iraq and a hard place" -tourist at PEM |
[30 Sep 2004|11:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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exhausted |
] |
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music |
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Mike playing CS |
] |
So Lisa didn't show up for work yesterday, and it was pouring. Do you know what happens when you work at a museum and it's pouring? It gets fucking slammed. And so, there I was, all day alone.. And it was slammed. Everything was distroyed and a mess. The drink fridge was almost completely empty by the time I finally got a chance to stock anything. Fucking sucked. At least she showed up today, but she left around 2:30ish, which still sucked. But, whatever. I'm just hoping she shows up tomorrow. She's really sick, and so is half of the museum. I'm hoping I don't get it. *Crossed fingers* I've been so tired because I've been working my ass off so often. I don't even want to do anything other than come home and sleep.
Started reading my new book. It's a prequal (sp?) to the Demon Wars Saga by R.A. Salvator (awesome author and series), so it's interesting. A little different than the others, but it's good in it's own respect. Also, my other saga, A Song of Fire and Ice, (finally) has another book coming out in November. Yay!
I'm frickin' exhausted so I'm going to go to bed now. Have a good night, everyone.
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[27 Sep 2004|11:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Upset |
] |
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music |
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Bush |
] |
So.. Minnie, the momma dog that went off to Arizona with my parents, had to be put down. Her stomach turned on Saturday, but they managed to get the air out. But it happened again Sunday (she was howling because it hurt her so badly), and they said that she wouldn't make the surgery. So they had to put her down... It hurts. I miss her already. But I know she's still around. She always been a stubborn one *Smiles meekly*
Anyway.. Say a little prayer for her, if you would. She deserves it.
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| ...I've got nothin'. |
[21 Sep 2004|12:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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CS on Mike's computer |
] |
I've been working my ass off lately. Working all week at the PEM, as per usual, and then working even longer hours at the Faire.
Just finished cleaning a good chunk of the apartment, which it dearly needed. We now finally have a frickin' coffee table and a floor in the bedroom. Whoot, me! Anyway, now it's time to relax a bit, I'm thinking.
Parents are doing well, as far as I'm being told. Glad for them.
Mike and I are doing well, as usual. No fights, no arguments, nadda. All good, thank the gods.
I've been so damned tired lately, I'm surprised I took the extra energy to clean tonight. I've been going to work, coming home, relaxing for an short while, then going to bed. I've been so drained, I don't have the energy to do anything. Haven't been home much, actually. Trying to find Mike a job, as well as try to teach him how to get around here.
My head is pounding, so off to bed with me. G'Night.
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| "Merry meet, merry part, and Mary Taylor Moore." |
[13 Sep 2004|08:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The TV |
] |
Not doing much. Working at the Musuem during the week full-time. Working King Richard's Faire on the weekends. It's sad that I have to get up earlier on the weekends than I do on the weekdays.
Lots of stuff going on. Hard to deal with, but nothing I can't get through.
Parents are in Arizona now at their new place. Seem to be doing well. The dogs are doing great, and getting bigger (except for my dog, Sage, of course, the little midget). I miss them terribly.... It sucks.
I started to fall back into my old depression state, but I'm fighting it. And with Mike here and the rest of my friends sticking around, I'm fending it off pretty well, I think.
Mike's still looking for a job. My jobs boring as hell. The same thing, every day. Fucking annoying. Lisa (my supervisor and the only other person I work with, really) wants to take over my morning, but I like my mornings... I hope they don't force me to give them up.
Anyway.. Hope everyone's well. Take care.
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[30 Aug 2004|12:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
My parents are gone. They left Wed night. It was really hard and emotional.. But I guess I'll live. They should be close to their new place, by now.
Mike and I are going to be working at KRF (King Richard's Faire), starting this coming Saturday. And we're getting PAID! Holy crap. That's almost unheard of. But, anyway.. It'll be fun. We're playing pirates and will be walking around interacting all day. If anyone feels like coming and visiting, it's in Carver, MA. And it is actually a pretty good show.
It's been strange living on my own and not seeing my parents so often. I keep thinking that I should go home and visit them, but then I realize... I no longer live in my house, and my parents aren't even nearby any more. It's rather depressing.. and I know they feel the same way. I miss my dog, too. I miss them all. It's hard, but Mike's been really supportive and is helping me through it. He's amazing.
My birthday was last week. Yay, 18. How exciting.
Take care, everyone.
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